


I Handed You All My Fears

by midnightwriter



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-18 15:04:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17583101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightwriter/pseuds/midnightwriter
Summary: "The nightmares came crawling from the back of his mind and invaded and tinted with horror every second of his sleep. It was a relief when he was finally able to wake up."Steve has recurrent nightmares and the only thing capable of keeping them at bay is Danny.





	I Handed You All My Fears

It started after another run to the hospital. Steve was under pain medication during the first two days, recovering from the torture he suffered in North Korea. The task force wasn't even one year old yet, much less his friendship with Danny, Kono, and Chin, but it had meant a lot to Steve that they all went to another continent just to rescue him. It was equally satisfying to know they had been visiting him every day.

Of all the visits, Danny was the most soothing. He would spend half of his time there arguing with Steve about his stupidity but the constant stream of words, knowing they were words of someone who cared for him, it made it easier for him to fall asleep.

The third day, he was only given pain relief medication during his wake hours. Steve tried to protest further, saying he didn't need it at all but Danny said he would put those in his veins with his own bare hands if he had to. Steve knew enough about him so far to understand that his threat was true.

Sleeping without the meds proved to be harder than he expected. The nightmares came crawling from the back of his mind and invaded and tinted with horror every second of his sleep. It was a relief when he was finally able to wake up.

The next day, Danny commented on his tired looks and Steve told him he didn't sleep so well, pretending it was about the fact he had stayed for too long in that hospital room. Danny scolded him for even considering leaving the hospital in that state to an empty house with no one to look after him. It warmed Steve's heart to be cared for so fiercely; it felt foreign but it felt so good.

That evening, Danny came to spend the night with him. Steve didn't even try to protest. During the night, nightmares similar to the ones from the day before plagued his mind, and he woke up do Danny's voice calling him, calmer than usual. Danny was standing next to his hospital bed, looking both at Steve and the machines around them, which their bips were in a higher frequency than he would've liked. Steve cursed the machines for telling the world that his heart was fast enough to be charged with breaking the speed limit.

"Hey, Steve, are you awake now?"

Afraid his voice would betray him, Steve simply nodded. The bips slowing down a little.

"Good. Now, is this the reason you didn't get any sleep last night? Why didn't you tell me, you-", he stopped mid-sentence and sat at the chair next to Steve's bed, left hand rubbing his forehead. "You've been through a lot, babe. There's no shame in being affected by it. Somewhere in your super soldier mind you know that, right?"

"Navy," he corrected for the sheer pleasure of seeing the look in Danny's eyes.

"Navy, soldier, whatever..." Danny's hands were stirring in the air at every word, serving almost as punctuation. "My point is, and don't think I didn't notice you trying to change the subject, that you're human. And you went through something that most humans wouldn't even survive. So please, I beg of you, don't think that you have to swallow all of it and be stoic about it. Do we have a deal?"

"I can't prom-"

"Try, babe, just try."

"Ok," he acquiesced.

Steve spent a few more minutes listening to Danny's voice talking about Grace's day at school. It made him stare at the dolphin drawing she gave to him the day before. The warm feelings and the voice lulled him to sleep once more.

When his dreams turned into nightmares once more, that same voice got inside his head, entering his nightmares and chasing them away. He woke up later, briefly, and felt the sensation of another hand holding his. Steve smiled as he saw Danny's head closer to his bed than before, his arms stretched until their hands could intertwine. He went back to sleep, unafraid. Whatever other horrors tried to sneak in his mind tonight would have to face Danny and the all good feelings he made him feel.

It was the first time in a long time that Steve McGarrett actually felt safe.

 

#####

 

Through the years, Steve grew more dependable of his partner. He enjoyed sharing his house and time with Danny, and he loved when Danny shared his time and car with him. They had reached this rhythm, this sync, this intimacy that Steve never really had with anyone else in his life.

It was odd to know that, whatever he did, whatever happened to him, Danny would be right by his side. Unlike most people that he had previously welcomed in his life.

Danny's loyalty to him was unquestionable, as much as Steve's loyalty to him. Even if Danny had two children to put above him, he was still able to give more love and devotion than anybody else ever did. Thus, Steve wasn't surprised to recount how many times he had tested that bond between them and was proved right to have placed his trust in the man.

Danny went to some of the most dangerous places on Earth, just to be sure that Steve would come back safe and in one piece. Danny listened do Steve and trusted his judgments, even if he always remarked how stupid and dangerous the idea was. Danny had his back and didn't lie to him. Even when he had the opportunity to leave Steve behind to go back to his old life in Jersey, all those years ago, he didn't. He had stayed for Steve.

It was easy to understand why Steve always went looking for Danny when he was in trouble or when he needed help. Because he was sure, without any hint of doubt, that Danny would be there for him. It was something that couldn't be said about his mother, sister, father, Cath, or any other person he had held close to his heart.

It was what would sometimes make Steve call Danny in the middle of the night. He did it whenever the horrors inside his head were too much to bear alone. The screams, the pain, the sounds, when all of it was too big and too loud.

In the beginning, he didn't dare to tell the truth to Danny about his calls. He would say he heard a strange noise or that he couldn't sleep. Although, he never bothered him when Danny has his weekends with Grace, preferring to keep his fears to himself rather than ruin the few moments Danny had with his daughter. Later on, that rule began to apply to Charlie as well.

It helped that, more often than not, Danny would spend his days with the kids at Steve's house or accompanied by him. It was harder for the noises inside his head to overcome him when he spent the days with the three people he learned to love the most.

Some other times, Steve would call Danny to come to his house, and in one of those nights that he came, after much complaining from Danny's part, Steve told him the truth. More accurately, he blurted it. Danny was there, berating him for waking him up at strange hours because his ninja metabolism could deal with only a few hours of sleep. Then, Steve told that he simply didn't want to be alone in that house and hearing things that weren't really there.

He confessed to having nightmares about tortures and his past in special ops - not that he got into details about those. He didn't know the price all those things would have on him until he was in the middle of his living room, being held by Danny saying "babe" over and over again, while Steve's body was shaking, eyes filled with unshed tears.

After that night, Danny never complained again about his late night calls or about having to go to Steve's house in the middle of the night. Sometimes, he would bring a movie or a beer, so they would have something to do while Steve recovered himself from whatever memory came back to haunt him that night.

 

#####

 

On a Friday night, when the rain was pouring endlessly through the whole island, Steve called Danny. Usually, it took him only five ringtones before he answered, voice thick with sleep. This time had Steve worried because it was the third time calling and no one had answered.

All of his instincts kicked in, and he got inside his truck, driving as fast as the state of Hawaii allowed... Maybe faster. The most awful situations ran through his mind, from kidnapping to Danny finally having that heart attack he was always threatening to have every time Steve did something he classified as insane.

The few steps he took from his truck to the door of Danny's house were enough to leave him soaked. He didn't mind. He banged on the door, cursing himself for forgetting the key to Danny's house at his own home. He decided that, if he had no answer in the next ten seconds, he would put the door down.

Luckily, Danny answered the door while his count was at "8". He was wearing clothes he usually wore to bed and had a look that was angry, which quickly dissolved to confused.

"What are you doing here? And in your pajamas!? Seriously, Steven? What are you doing here?" He asked while pointing to Steve's state of undress.

"Uh-" He didn't know how to respond. In his hurry to get here, to get to Danny, he completely forgot that he was still in his own pajamas. And the relief of seeing Danny here, alive and well, short-circuited something in his brain, that was expecting the absolute worst.

"Come, get out of this rain or you get a cold! Unbelievable, our first day off after a week like this and you come banging on my door at this hour of the night. And showing up on your pajamas! Unbelievable, that's what you are. No manners whatsoever."

He gesticulated while he pulled Steve in and closed the door behind them. Steve's lips curled upwards on reflex, content to hear that voice and Danny's usual verbiage.

"I called you." He said as an explanation for this impromptu visitation. Danny's stare was enough for Steve to understand that it wasn't enough of an explanation. "The phone ringed and you didn't answer. I got worried."

Listening to himself talk, he felt incredibly silly. He tried to not let it appear on his voice, but no one could read him as well as Danny, and it was nearly impossible to hide something from him.

"Yes, because contrary to your belief, I do not spend every waking moment of my life at your disposal. I have a life of my own, that includes watching movies on a Friday night with my daughter and not answering my phone for a few hours."

"Grace is here?"

Danny rolled his eyes in exasperation, probably at the fact that Steve ignored everything he had told him. But there was also fondness on the gesture, probably thanks to the mention of his daughter's name and Steve's eagerness to see her, as he turned his head side to side, looking for her.

As if on cue, Grace appeared on the room, holding a bowl half empty of popcorn and also on her pajamas. She smiled greatly at Steve and his heart doubled in size. That smile could definitely cure incurable diseases in his opinion.

"Uncle Steve!"

"Hey, Gracie," he responded while she practically leaped on him, hugging him.

"Ew, you're wet! Danno left you waiting on the rain?"

"I did not do such a thing, but I should have. This neanderthal here drove all the way here dressed like this because I didn't answer his call. You know you're insane, don't you?"

"I was worried," Steve defended himself. Grace simply smiled at his shenanigans, used to the man doing things that not always made sense to everybody else.

"Worried," Danny mumbled under his breath, in disbelief. "Come, I'll give you some dry clothes so you can take a shower and change. I do not want to take care of you again if you get sick. You complain about my matzo ball soup and insists on maintaining your crazy routine of swimming a mile in the morning, even when you have a fever. I do not know how any doctor withstands to attend you."

"They usually don't and send me home early," Steve adds proudly while they walked towards Danny's bedroom. Grace went back to the living room, leaving the duo to do their thing. 

"Are you smiling at that? Really!? What's the matter with you? I do not understand what happens inside that thick head of yours, my friend. But it has obviously been affected by the excess of injuries you have suffered doing insane things."

In the bedroom, Danny gave him clean and dry clothes, a towel and sent him to the bathroom.

"Was it a nightmare that made you call?" Danny asked barely above a whisper before he left the bedroom.

Steve thought about denying but saw there was no point in doing so. He nodded, not really facing Danny's eyes. He heard Danny exhale loudly, a small gesture and change in posture that held so many feelings and questions he didn't dare to ask.

"Grace and I will be waiting for you when you're done. The movie just started, you're gonna really enjoy it. It is about some young woman who falls in love with a man. And they spend the next ninety minutes torturing the audience with their stupidity and misunderstandings, before getting together and living happily ever after." His expression of complete boredom betrayed the fake excited tone he used to explain the rather uncomplicated plot of another romantic comedy.

"Grace choose?"

"Oh, yes, she did. She has been waiting _months_ to see this one because she didn't get to see it in the theaters. Now stop talking and go take a shower, you're making a puddle on my floor."

Steve followed to the shower, smiling easily, much more at peace than fifteen minutes before. It was almost ironical that someone as fiery and headstrong as Danny could make him calm. He supposed that he had always been calmer during very stressful situations. Maybe he was broken, after all.

It was a good thing that his nightmares and the bad feelings from the past hour weren't strong enough to occupy his mind when in the presence of two of the Williams. He was invited by Grace to sit in the middle of the couch, each Williams at one of his sides.

Both Williams had very little concern for things such as personal space at the moment, and Steve was very thankful for that. Grace had her head on his right shoulder, and Danny had his whole body pressed against Steve's. The heat generated was most welcomed and he relished in it.

After the movie, which Grace tried to defend while Steve and Danny told her how awful every moment of it was, she went to her bedroom, stating that they didn't understand about true love and romance. Honestly, both men spared one second to mentally agree with her, considering all their previous failed relationships. Followed by Steve's arguing at Grace that he was very romantic and Danny affirming that Steve was completely incapable of romance.

"I am not!" Steve protested.

"Babe, I know you better than anyone and let me tell you: you do not know what classify as romance. Your definition of romance includes camping and shooting terrorists."

"Camping is romantic."

"No, it isn't, my friend. Picnics on a park on a sunny day are romantic, camping in the woods is not. It's the opposite of romantic."

"Whatever you say, Danno." He rolled his eyes, walking to the door.

"Where are you going, Steve?"

"Home?" He answered uncertainly. He thought it was obvious where he was going at this hour of the night.

"Don't be silly, it's pouring outside!" He sounded outraged that Steve even considered going outside again. "And if you call me again, I will not answer you because I'll be sleeping. Then you'll come running here again because that is the kind of insane person you are. Just stay here and save me the trouble."

"Ok, Danny," he agreed without protest. Steve knew there was truth in Danny's words, except that, now that he had bothered Danny and knew that Grace was here, he would simply not call again, suffering alone. He used to be good at that. Before Danny, of course.

He followed Danny to his bedroom again, waiting to be given a pillow and some covers so he could sleep on the couch, but Danny simply went to the bathroom, to brush his teeth. He left Steve standing in his room, confused.

"Why are you still standing there like an idiot?" Danny asked as he came out of the bathroom.

"I don't know where you keep the covers."

"Keep the covers? What are you talking about? Do you need more covers than that..." He pointed at his bed "On this island?"

It took Steve a few seconds to process the information. Danny stood there looking at him as if Steve just had had a stroke.

"You're saying I'm sleeping in your bed?" Slowly, he questioned him, just to be sure.

"Yes. Where else would you sleep, Steve? On the floor like a dog? Or outside in the rain?"

"No. I just thought I'd sleep on the couch."

"Do you want to sleep on the four-foot couch, you gigantic six-foot-something person? Be my guest!"

"No. I'll take the bed."

He decided not to take the bait for the argument Danny was creating, choosing to simply go to sleep. Although, he wasn't certain if he would be able to sleep while laying in a bed next to Danny.

The thing is: Steve wasn't an idiot. He knew very well that his feelings for the man had morphed into something other than friendship a long time ago. He couldn't recall the exact moment it had happened because through the last six years Danny had been around him pretty much at every waking hour. He could, however, point out the moment he realized it.

It was a few years ago, while Danny was forced to stay still for hours because of a bomb. Danny was unable to move and so was Steve: he couldn't conceive the idea of being anywhere else but beside him. He thought that if that bomb exploded, he didn't know if he would have many reasons to live. It was a dark train of thought, one that scared him. Noticing how much of his own heart he had put into their relationship, how much he valued Danny. He suddenly understood why the concept of romantic love had been so foreign and overrated to him until that moment. He had never felt it before, this storm of feelings, this will to protect and to be by his side forever.

When Danny was relieved from the threat of exploding into pieces, they hugged and Steve held him, unsure of how he was still able to support his weight by himself. He felt relief and weakness and doubtful. He let go of Danny and was consumed by fear, thinking about what would've happened if things hadn't gone the way they did. Amidst that, he swore he wouldn't tell Danny about his feelings. He tried his absolute best to keep his life going as if the man was nothing but a good friend, not letting himself wonder if they ever could be something else.

Steve knew it had weighted on his relationship with Cath. She abandoned him, yes, but he also knew that she wanted more than he could ever give. No matter how much he tried to love her, his heart was taken by a five-foot-six headstrong Jersey cop.

Through the years, as Danny kept answering his calls during the night, and coming to his house when he needed, no matter the hour, it only made Steve's feelings grow stronger. He wouldn't have to examine very deep to know that his "abandonment issues", that Danny always talked about, played some part in how he felt about the man. And he would rather not examine at all, but it would be hard to expend an entire night by Danny's side and do something other than think about his feelings, examining it through a magnifying glass. He definitely wouldn't be able to sleep.

Steve gulped some air and laid in bed, instinctively knowing he should take the right side of the bed. He knew it was the right choice because Danny nodded in agreement and didn't give an opinion on the matter, laying next to him after turning off the lights.

There he was, laying on his back on the softer mattress of Danny's bed, body stiff and hands above his own stomach, afraid to move a muscle. In the past, when he had entertained the idea of sleeping next to Danny on a bed, it didn't involve him being so tense, or so many layers of clothing being worn. But here he was, proving that reality never worked quite the way you expected.

"Are you this uncomfortable over the concept of sleeping in the same bed as I or is it something else that is bothering you? Spit it out, Steven, because it's past two in the morning and I'd like to sleep at some point tonight."

Danny turned from his side and faced Steve, seeming not to care that their bodies were less than one feet apart. If Steve was being honest, personal space - or the lack of it - never seemed to be an issue to them. They were always touching, standing too close, hugging; it wasn't the same with other people, even if he hugged them more regularly these days. He gave away hugs to comfort or welcome people all the time, but whenever he needed to be comforted, Danny's held was the only one he sought.

"C'mon, buddy, use your words." His impatient tone was replaced by one of reassurance, similar to the one he used with his kids or victims in shock.

"I don't know what to say, Danny," he said honestly. "I'm sorry I intruded in your night with Grace," was the only things he thought was safe enough to let out of his mouth.

"Don't be stupid, you didn't intrude. You're always welcomed here. Even if you showed up unannounced in your pajamas, wetting my entire floor."

Steve's eyes had adjusted to the darkness around them and he could almost see the smile in Danny's face, standing as close as they were. He barely flinched when he felt Danny place his hand on his upper arm.

"Are you afraid you'll have them again, the nightmares, if you fall asleep?"

"No."

He watched as Danny's face morphed into an expression of confusion, still mostly hidden by the shadows. Everything else was so silent, that Steve wondered if there was anyone else in the world besides them right now.

"I don't have nightmares when I'm with you," he managed to say in one breath, his tone barely above a whisper. Steve felt Danny's touch on his arm tightening for a brief second.

"Ah, babe..."

These were the only sounds he uttered for a long time, Steve tensing again, unsure how to interpret that. He turned his head to the other side, unable to face Danny one second longer. Even if the darkness hid most of their expressions, Danny knew him too well and would be able to read everything.

"Steve," he called softly. "Steve, look at me."

Danny brought himself closer and touched Steve's face, lightly pushing it back in his direction. Steve didn't resist the touch, letting himself be led until he was staring into Danny's blue eyes made gray by the lack of light.

"I feel better when I'm with you, too." He smiled and Steve mirrored him, knots untying in his muscles, making him relaxed and content. "Even if half of the time it seems like you're actively trying to kill me or yourself with your testosterone induced insanity."

In response to Danny's usual complains, that were used to masquerade worry and care, Steve turned in the bed, now he was completely facing Danny. Inadvertently, he had also gotten closer to him, less than five inches apart. The proximity made Steve able to feel Danny's breath, inhaling and exhaling slowly.

"Hey," Danny said, eyeing him with a happy and adventurous glint in his eyes.

"Hey," Steve said in return, feeling equally happy and adventurous. An entire conversation happening just from their barely seen expressions and looks.

Danny diminished their distance in half, waiting for Steve to extinguish the other half and meet him there. Steve pretended to think about it. Danny smacked his arm, where his hand still hadn't been taken away. Steve got closer, their noses almost touching. Another conversation happening only with their eyes, that were now close enough for them to see anything they had been trying to hide in these past years.

Suddenly, their eyes closed and their lips met, touching so lightly that it felt more like a dream than a kiss. Smiling after their parted, Steve was proud of himself for not acting like a teenager who just had his first kiss. His heart, though, was another story, it was hammering inside his chest stronger than when he would jump off of buildings or swim with sharks.

"You goof," Danny said in response to Steve's bright smile. "Now stop smiling and keep kissing me."

"Oh, I thought you wanted to sleep," he teased. Danny smacked his arm again, harder this time. Steve didn't mind and kept smiling.

"Do not take my words against me."

They kissed again. And again. And again. And for some time until they were too tired to keep on going. The smile, however, never faded from Steve's face, he was too happy to be able to stop himself. Fortunately, Danny seemed to be in a similar state of euphoria. Their teeth met a few times simply because they couldn't stop smiling at each other.

When they finally deemed themselves ready to sleep, Steve found himself being cuddled by Danny. He thought the night had been great so far, but finding himself in Danny's arms made a new round of butterflies on his stomach start beating their wings. It didn't felt awkward or even strange, it felt as if he belonged there, being embraced by Danny. It felt safer than any other place. Felt like home.

That night, no nightmares plagued him. No horrors, no screams, and no pain came to haunt his dreams. Everything inside his head was calm and comforting, just as his surroundings in Danny's bed. He felt at peace, truly at peace for the first time in a long, long time.

**Author's Note:**

> I stopped watching H50 during S05, so some things might be off, like Danny's house architecture. Sorry.
> 
> I just needed to write SOMETHING about them before going crazy (and because they're still my OTP).
> 
> The title was taken from the song You Get My Love, from Pink. I love this song!
> 
> English isn't my first language and I don't have a beta, so I appreciate if you point mistakes and typos. =D
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! Kudos and comments are much appreciated! <3


End file.
